Happy Birthday
by Aozorain
Summary: It's her mother's birthday and Yuna contemplates about her life so far.  If there's a limit for how unimaginative story titles can exist in the world, I think I've just broken one. Sorry about that.


It's your birthday today…Mother.

I'm not even sure how old you would be if you were alive. Father told me so much about you but I don't remember him ever telling your age. And now… I can't very well ask anymore.

I remember we used to celebrate this day with Father when we lived in Bevelle. We'd fill the house with decorations, eat delicious food and stay up past my bedtime. When it was already dark outside we'd burn candles and sing a birthday song for you. Father would sing so solemnly, as if he was singing the Hymn instead. I'd stare at a candle and then close my eyes tightly. I was almost certain I could make out your smiling face in the darkness against my eyelids. It was always a very happy day.

When Father left for the pilgrimage I started celebrating on my own. Of course I didn't arrange a party or anything like that. I'd just eat dinner imagining it was a birthday feast and just before going to bed I'd go somewhere where I could be alone and sing the song to the best of my ability. I tried to make it sound like Father's singing but it didn't quite feel the same. Once Lulu and Wakka heard me and wanted to know what it was all about. I didn't want to tell them because it was something private, something I wanted to keep as my own. Kimahri interrupted what was starting to get out of hand and said:

"Yuna sings when Yuna wishes. Yuna no need to give a reason for song."

I was sometimes very lonely back then. I understood that Father was not going to come back. Just like you never would. Father had known he would not return – and left anyway. I never told anyone but…sometimes I was a little angry at him for that. He could have someone else go instead. He could have stayed with me and no one would have blamed him. But he went and saved the world. Every time a priest told me that my Father was a hero I couldn't help thinking that I would've liked him better if he wasn't.

And I would feel guilty for thinking about ungrateful things like that.

Despite all this, I later found myself planning a pilgrimage of my own. I listened to the lessons on teachings very carefully, focusing myself on the sole aim of becoming a summoner. People said a lot of things like "If anyone can become a High Summoner, it's her, the daughter of Lord Braska himself!" Thinking that I would share my Father's fate, offering my life in exchange for a peaceful era – I felt at ease.

It would all probably have come true if it weren't for _him_. He was like a refreshing seawind in my life that had been stagnating, only waiting for demise. When I was with him I remembered the time when I had been sitting in the candlelight, hoping to see you in the darkness, making the past times return. Just when I thought I could make it, Father would tell me it was time to go to bed. It was the same with _him_: I talked with him about going to his mysterious Zanarkand as if it was a real possibility, but fleeting as dreams are, I was always reminded about my determination.

Still…something changed my mind. Maybe it was the realization of the uselessness of the Final Summoning, maybe it was his influence on me or just my simply my will to continue living. I realized I had been selfish. I had stubbornly insisted on defeating Sin, ignoring the people around me who told me not to sacrifice myself. I hadn't been thinking about the people who would be left behind. Even though that selfishness was what I had, in my mind, accused my Father of.

I still don't know how we are going to defeat Sin. I'm not entirely sure if it's even possible. Perhaps Yunalesca was right, perhaps we have lost our only way to bring the Calm to the people of Spira, be it through false hope. But I still feel better than for a long time. My guardians are my friends and my family. Who knows, if I'm still alive next year – maybe I'll have the strength to sing the birthday song together with them all. After all, it's like the Hymn. It always sounds better when many people are singing it together because their feelings are all connected.

Happy birthday Mother. You and Father must wait for me a little longer.

A/N: Actually, my mother's turning 50 this month and I've been thinking about her a lot lately. So I felt like writing something like this.

Does anyone else feel something like reproach towards Braska? I mean, he gives off these "awesome father" vibes and he's the savior of the world and all that…but I still think it's irresponsible to leave your 7-year-old kid alone just like that. Not that she didn't end up a great person, though.

That's pretty much all I have to say. Please review 3


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